Between Life, Death, and You
by PainlessLithium
Summary: Hikaru beholds a great secret. He finds out that he has feelings for someone other than his brother. Haruhi. What happens when Hikaru tells Kaoru? What will Kaoru do? How will he cope? KaoruxHikaru HikaruxHaruhi


_Morning Thoughts_

The bright sun-light shined through the glass of the Hitachiin mansion. The birds were now waking up and chirping on the naked branches of the garden that now was covered by leafs of red, brown and yellow.

Yellow rays were lighting up the dark room of the two brothers- two very unique brothers that shared the same bed, the same bodies, and the same faces. Both had secrets, but only one kept most of his deep inside, and was therefore filled up with guilt and confusion.

Now, one brother was slowly groaning. The blinding light had messed up his vision. Suddenly everything became clear, and what was mostly clear was his other, his sleeping reflection. His twin brother was slowly breathing and his beautiful eyes were still closed. The awakened boy sighed and quietly got out of the wrinkled bed that he shared with his brother. He looked at him and leaned close to his twin's face. He watched his brother a little longer and then planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"I'll give him five more minutes." Kaoru thought to himself, with a light smile across his face, while leaning away and heading toward the bathroom.

The sound of running water awoke the boy who was still in bed. He quickly jumped up and stared at the clock beside him realizing he wasn't late for school this time. Looking out the window he noticed it began to slowly rain with leafs.

Behind him, something that sounded like running water, stopped. He paid no attention, and just sank into deep thought. He felt two smooth hands on his waist line. He was sure of the presence and was amazed that he could no longer feel it.

"Good Morning," said the sweet voice behind him. "Hikaru?" No reply.

The two hands slid away. Thoughts were still surrounding the older brother. Thoughts about why he could not say a word and why a hole in his chest began to create itself. There were no feelings of anger or fear inside him, just sadness, guilt and confusion.

"Hikaru?" the voice repeated itself, now with a sad tone attached to it. Still no reply.

"I'm worried about you Hikaru you -"and the voice trailed off. Across the rosy cheeks of Kaoru fell a small tear, and Kaoru did his best to hide the sadness of his voice that now seemed torn.

Kaoru left the room, not being able to take much more silence. As he walked down the long staircase he thought to himself. Hikaru has been avoiding him for a while now and never met Kaoru's eyes when in close contact. He seemed depressed and Kaoru asked what was the matter but it was always a 'nothing' and now it was just nothing - no answer at all.

Kaoru felt alone without his brother's comfort and warmth. He missed his brother's passionate kisses and the way he kissed him each morning, gently yet strong, to wake him up. He missed his elder brother's light shining aura that surrounded him, (and anyways Hikaru in Japanese means to shine) which now completely faded away. Also, he noticed that Hikaru ate much less that usually and his beautiful body became slim. His flashing red hair became dull. The 'brotherly act' began to be much less closer than it used to be, it just contained words that Kaoru felt were meaningless, though he knew before they never were, but it all changed. The question was why and how? He didn't know the answer. He didn't know what was wrong with Hikaru! And that is what hurt the most.

In the room in which Hikaru stood now felt empty. Hikaru knew he hurt his brother, since he left the quietness that was torturing- to Kaoru _and_ Hikaru. There was no reason to apologize though he wanted to, Hikaru couldn't. It would only make the aching much stronger in his chest, therefore creating more pain. How he wished he just didn't think of that! Now the pain returned.

Still staring out the cold window, he thought of Haruhi. About her beauty, her skills, how she could understand them, and how he wished he never met her! 'Why did I have to fall for her!' Hikaru said out loud while banging the glass with his fist. He could have almost broken the glass, but he controlled himself. It was difficult for him to hide his feelings, considering Kaoru was the most controlled one. He felt like he was betraying his brother by not telling him anything, as well as having feelings for someone other than his twin.

Hikaru stood there in the silence and realized that he was late for school. He didn't want to go, how he wished to stay, how he needed to think to think everything through, even though he hated it, he needed to.

In about three minutes he was ready for school 'looking exactly like my brother,' he thought to himself sarcastically, 'except the whole deep thinking and depressing look'. He then went downstairs, not caring if he would be late for even the second or third period. A butler opened the grand door to the boy, and Hikaru stepped outside into the sunny word, which he now seemed to despise. Parked in front of him stood a white limo. 'I guess Kaoru left in the black one' he thought to himself again, since they always rode in the dark black limousine. Hikaru opened the door and sat down not even noticing the passenger with him. Hikaru turned his head realizing Kaoru was beside him, looking straight into his eyes. The engine sprang to life, and the driver put the car in motion, heading to Ouran High.

Hikaru then immediately turned his head and looked out the clear window. In front of him passed many trees that have lost their leafs, and now he was seeing the left side of the front gate of the Hitachiin mansion. More trees, more trees, more cars now. Then he thought to himself, 'Kaoru waited for me. Why would he?' Of course the answer was obvious, just two simple words, 'Kaoru cared' or in other words 'He loved me'. Oh, that stung! He loved his brother too but his heart was no whole for just Kaoru anymore. The ache returned once again. The effect was worse now, knowing his brother was beside him, probably watching and observing him.

The whole ride to school was silent. Hikaru noticed that Kaoru tried to say something-he kept opening his mouth but then closing it. Did Kaoru know how Hikaru felt? The silence helped allot, less things to think about. Did Kaoru know what was best at the moment? Well, Hikaru couldn't ask him-it would only create more pain, and thoughts - therefore headaches and confusion.

Kaoru's POV 

When we reached our destination, we both exited the white shining limo and headed off to our classes side by side, but still in silence. The blood was rushing to my head now. I wanted to scream! I hated not hearing his voice! I hated not being able to say anything! How could I not think of anything to say to him? How could I deal with this any further? I then realized that if I would ask myself another question or think of anything related to this topic my head would explode for sure!

Through the whole morning I tried to keep my mind off of 'him'. I could not even think 'his' name anymore, because I knew the All-Mighty-Controlled-Kaoru would lose his patience. I tried not to look at him. Not even a glance of his soft lips that I wanted to kiss so much, and his sad eyes that still gleamed, and his gorgeous hot figure that – I had to stop! Damn it! I kept saying to myself- keep control, just keep control…

Only during lunch time I finally heard his voice. He said the exact same thing that I was about to, except without politeness – which I thought I was full of…

"Set 'A' lunch." Was all I heard. His voice sounded stale and a bit aggressive.

"Set 'A' lunch, please." I said, being next in line after Hika – Damn it Stop! I was about to yell that out loud but stopped myself before I could make a sound.

I grabbed the 'A Tray', which is what I called it, and headed after 'him'.

I knew it would not be the best way to not look at 'him', but I did not want to make anyone suspicious if we sat at separate tables. I stared at the ground while walking towards the table to avoid seeing 'him', and only looked at my tray when I sat down next to 'him' and ate. After about six minutes of eating, I heard a sound of a moved chair. I turned my head, which I wish I didn't, and saw 'him' pick up his barely eaten tray of food and heading towards the end of the cafeteria. He walked towards the garbage can and threw out his lunch and headed out the door.

Suddenly all the heads of every girl in the cafeteria turned to me. I felt their eyes searching me and trying to read my expression. In a second, almost every one of them ran towards me. All of them jumped on me like they were hungry lions that have just found their prey. Every one of them asked the same questions.

"Why did he leave without you?"

"Is he mad at you?"

"Are you two in a fight again?"

They couldn't just shut their traps!

"Ladies, Princesses, there is nothing to worry about," I told them, even if it was nothing but lies. "Hikaru just needed to pick up something from some of his teachers." I explained. They all awed and left. I was relieved since usually I was not good with lies.

I finished my lunch and left early. I wondered where Haruhi was. She didn't come to school today. I hope she wasn't sick. As I walked through the empty school halls I noticed a certain brown haired girl in boys clothing. It was Haruhi! I ran up to her.

"Hey! Where have you been?" I asked her.

"Oh, sorry I slept in. My alarm broke. Did I miss anything?"

"No, just a lecture." I replied.

"Did you take any notes?!" Her eyes bulged out looking at me…

"No…" I said calmly to her. She stared at me in confusion.

"But you always take notes. You didn't save any for me?"

"No," I said again without any expression. "I guess I was sort of…distracted." Now her face changed into a look which always looked like she tried to read my mind, and she usually always guessed correctly. Her mind powers always amazed me.

"Where is Hikaru?" she asked me. The question struck me. Where was he? Was he alright? Something was bothering him and I had no idea what. I had a feeling that it was my fault for some reason. A feeling of guilt stalked me all morning…

"I dunno." I mumbled and shrugged my shoulders. I didn't look at Haruhi, because I felt like she will read me.

"Oh, alright then, see you in class." She said as the bell rang. I wondered if she suspected anything, which I hoped she wouldn't.


End file.
